Energy and Physics – from a very personal perspective

The saying, “A body at rest tends to stay at rest - a body in motion tends to stay in motion.” is a law of physics.  It’s been rattling around in my mind today.

Energy - the capacity for work or vigorous activity; the ability of a physical system to do work.  Actually, more like the oozing of energy from a physical system (mine specifically) has been irritating me today, too.

It’s been a very busy, joyful, yet stressful few weeks.  I completed my much awaited final (I hope) in this series of chemotherapy treatments in late May.  Then the wait for the CA-125 results – another 3 weeks.  During this time, our home of 19 years was supposed to close.  We had had it on the market for almost a year and had already moved to our beach home.  Of course, we still had the responsibility of caring for the house and its 2 ½ acres and outbuildings, both physically and financially, and worrying about it mentally – which always affects me physically.  Then there was the huge expense of maintaining two homes – double everything! 

We were also making arrangements for our son and his family to visit for a week – the same week the house was to close.  It would be the first time we had entertained them and our two little grandsons in the new home.  Our daughter and our granddaughter would also be coming for a few days.  It was all very exciting and we were very much looking forward to it – but it still required an outlay of energy that I wasn’t too sure I had that close to a 6^th chemo treatment.

Finally the day came for the house to close – 2 days before our son was arriving. Two hours from the closing time, we were told that the buyer’s mortgage company had a SMALL issue that might postpone the closing for about 6 weeks!  I could feel the stress molecules gathering up my positive energies and tossing them out through the top of my head.   Fortunately, cooler heads than mine prevailed and the house did close a few days later - a few hours after my son’s plane landed!  That’s cutting things a little too close for me.  My CA-125 test had not come back as I had wished – down but not quite enough.  So, another was scheduled in a few weeks.  My stress level and negative energy was about Warp 5 – for you Trekkies.

We had a great time with all the kids.  Laughter and positive energy was overflowing in our home.  Joining the little ones in a dance party, or helping them color shells they had collected, or crashing in and out of the waves, the nasty old negative energy didn't have a chance to keep my “body at rest.”  A “body in motion” was definitely more fun. 

After they left, tropical storm Debby appeared out of nowhere and with it I could feel the negative energies begin to seep in.  The little “disturbance” that was supposed to head to Louisiana or Texas was suddenly only miles north of us, crossing the Florida peninsula.  We began putting toys away and returning borrowed booster seats.  I found I had absolutely no energy at all.  I kept getting out of breath and spent a lot of time watching the rain completely mask the ocean.  My body stayed at rest until I began to worry if there wasn’t more going on in there than just being tired. 

Today the sun came out, and with it glimpses of my “forward motion” too.  We went for an early walk.  The first thing I always do is “connect” with the ocean’s forces.  I have a great respect for the ocean’s power and a great love of its life-giving force.  I always walk directly into the water and just thank God for it and my life.  Well, we got our bodies out of “rest” mode and into “motion” – and I could feel my positive energy and strength returning.  It never ceases to amaze me how stress and tension – even over happy things – can freeze your mobility and drain your energies. 

I have a very dear friend who is a Healing Touch therapist.  I met her purely by accident in the elevator one day and she offered to give me a healing treatment.  My first thought was, “Do I look that bad that a stranger is offering to heal me?”  I think she’s also a psychic.  I definitely believe in certain forms of alternative medicine and in keeping the energy centers in our bodies open and functioning.  She helps me do that.

I feel my body is now in motion, my energy is slowly being restored, and my life forces are flowing freely.  Hopefully this will translate into a good CA125 next week.  It certainly can’t hurt!  And, if it doesn’t – well, I’ll just keep moving and try again!    

SURVIVAL TIPS:  We all have someone or something in our lives that drains our energy.  Someone you consider “high maintenance” or a job or situation that just drains you instead of refueling your energy.  Free yourself of these people – try to eliminate or at least change the situation.  Surround yourself with positive people and influences.  You’re worth it and your body needs it!

UNEXPECTED FINDS!

I’ve spent most of the day recouping from chemo treatment #6 last week.  This one is taking a little longer to release its grip on me, but that’s not unusual.  Chemo is cumulative as well as deadly, unpredictable, and a general pain in the tush.  But each day gets better and living is definitely worth the effort. 

 

I’ve been rehashing some unexpected things that have come up in my life recently.  It’s funny how you can go along day after day and often not notice the little bumps that weren’t there the day before – the very slight tilt to the day that often has far reaching ripples.  This beachside condo living is a new lifestyle for us –and the upcoming sale of our home of 19 years has probably brought on this thought process.  It’s made me very aware of my surroundings and the wonderful, if slight, changes that can easily go unnoticed.

Sometimes it’s nothing more than an unusual assortment of shells on the beach.  The seasons and the tides and the phases of the moon all play a part in the life forms present on our beach on any given day.  The other day, we found lots of sand dollars – mostly in pieces – but they had been absent for months.  We did find one that was about ¾ whole.  My daughter tells me that amounts to about 75 cents worth (of a sand dollar).  Have I mentioned our family’s strange sense of humor?  If you’ve read my posts before, I’m sure that was not an “unexpected find” for you!

 

The shells of razor clams were also abundant, and I haven’t seen them in ages.  They’re oddly similar to VERY long fingernails, often with subtle shadings that look a lot like nail art.  They’re not very popular with shell collectors, but I find them strangely beautiful.  I know – weird! 

The thing we most enjoyed that day was the return of the lettered olives.  They are beautiful cylindrical gastropods with a glossy shell and a small pointed spire on the top.  Later in the season, we find the shells washed up on the sand, empty, but magnificent with a highly polished finish.  They have most likely succumbed to a hungry Willet or Turnstone.  Right now, though, they are everywhere, burrowing through the sand, making deep gouges at the shoreline with their large foot (right, a foot!) scavenging for coquina clams in the surf zone.  I’ve watched a few amateur shellers pick up the live creatures and add them to their bag of souvenirs.  It’s easy to do – when you touch them, their body mantle and large foot retract deep into their thick protective, gorgeous shell.  Little do they know that they are very much alive – at least at that point – and will die a very smelly death in their carryon luggage.

We have a friend whose mother doesn’t understand the appeal of the ocean.  She feels that it’s boring and monotonous.  We couldn’t be of a more opposing opinion.  It’s a living, evolving, ever-changing – and to me, healing – environment.  Every day brings something new to marvel at – something life-affirming and renewing.  There’s a saying that goes “Some people find more in a walk on the beach than others find on a trip around the world.”  That’s definitely us!  This new beach lifestyle has truly become one of our most Unexpected Finds!

tyG4e

SURVIVAL  TIPS –  Life is so precious – try to pay attention to the slight shifts and sways in your days.  With or without cancer, life goes by too quickly.  Look around you and find the unexpected!

OKAY GOD, I GIVE UP!!!

I don’t think any of you would be too shocked if I said I believe in God!  I don’t think that’s too unusual.  I was raised Irish Catholic and spent fourteen years in the Catholic School system which I left with an excellent education, a disciplined work ethic, and all the guilt I could carry! 

I also believe in prayer and I believe God answers all prayers – in His time frame, not ours!  In my experience, He has three boilerplate answers: “Yes,”  “Not Now,” and “I have something better in mind.”  Recently I have had this picture of God in my head, with His hands over His ears, adding a new answer: “Oh please shut up; I can’t stand your whining, begging, pleading, and haunting anymore!!!”  I think I have finally over-prayed the Great One!

Somewhere around the time of my surgery four years ago, I had begun to really pray, and pray, and pray – basically to stay alive.  I was truly petrified that I was about to die.  If one novena was good, than five would be better.  I would say a litany of saints and was terrified if I left one saint out.  I had prayer cards for different saints in every book and magazine I was reading.  I had made a deal with God that everything I picked up to read, day and night, would be preceded by a prayer to some saint.  If I woke up during the night, I would begin the rosary.  If I fell asleep before I was done, I felt guilty.  Overall, it was a few years of a generally uncomfortable and exhausting relationship with a God I had always trusted.  Maybe that was the key – did I really trust Him now, when my life depended on it???  I said all the right words – “I place my trust in You” –“I trust in Your plan for me” – but did I really?  If I did, why did I whine and beg and plead all day and night.  Was I afraid He would forget about me if I didn’t keep reminding Him what I wanted?

About six months ago, we were at 9:00 AM Mass on Sunday and a visiting Deacon said the homily.  It was about trust, but not the usual Let Go and Let God.  This was about real people who were getting a little ticked off at God and His seeming indifference to their prayers. 

His first story had to do with an article written by Catherine Marshall called “When We Dare to Trust God.” It told how she had been bedfast for six months with a serious lung infection.  No amount of medicine or prayer helped. She was terribly depressed.  One day someone gave her a pamphlet about a woman missionary who had contracted a strange disease. The missionary had been sick for eight years and couldn’t understand why God let this tragedy happen to her. Daily she prayed for health to resume her missionary work. But her prayers went unanswered.  One day, in desperation, she cried out to God: “All right, I give up. If you want me to be an invalid, that’s Your business.” Within two weeks the missionary was fully recovered.

Catherine Marshall laid the pamphlet aside.  She was puzzled by the strange story. It didn’t make sense. “Yet,” she said, “I could not forget it.”  Then one morning Catherine cried out to God in words similar to those of the missionary: “God, I’m tired of asking you for health. You decide if you want me sick or healthy.” At that moment, Catherine said later, her health began to return.

The Deacon who was giving this homily told us that he had been a school principal and Director of Religious Education for over 40 years.  One part of his job that he found very difficult was finding teachers for the various religious education programs each year.  One year, he had to replace almost half of his teaching staff.  After exhausting every lead he could think of, he was still three teachers short. 

On Sunday of Labor Day weekend, he found himself assisting at the 12:00 Mass.  He was sitting next to the priest during the first part of the mass and looking out at the congregation … going face to face, looking for someone that he could contact after Mass to become teachers.

He said, “Suddenly it hit me that what I was doing was wrong.  Instead of giving praise and glory to God, I was using the Mass as a venue for recruiting new teachers.”

He continued, “I had an Epiphany, a moment of clarity that is hard to describe.  It was part frustration, part anger, and part relief all at the same time.  I said, “Lord, I give up.  This is your program.  If you want it to have good teachers, find them for me. From this moment on, I’m not going to worry about finding teachers anymore!”

He said that once he put things in God’s hands, it took less than a few hours for God to drop the three best Jr. High teachers he had ever had right into his lap.

The thing that grabbed my attention was that these people didn’t say, “I’m putting my worries in Your hands and I trust You will take care of them for me.”  I’ve never been able to wrap my mind and heart around that attitude. I have to keep reminding God what I want and need.  What they did say was,

“All right I give up – if this is what You want, it’s Your business.”

“I’m tired of asking for health.  You decide what You want.”

“This is Your program.  If You want good teachers, You find them!”

The Deacon had had his epiphany and I had mine that morning in that church.  It suddenly became so clear to me that all my begging and pleading and whining couldn’t do anything to affect the things I was praying for. There were currently three serious concerns in my life, my health being one, and the only person who had the power to bring about solutions was God.  I made a deal with Him that day.  I told Him I would stop the constant repetitious begging.  I said I finally realized that only He had the power to solve these issues.  So, they were ALL HIS and I would accept whatever He chose to do with them – but I was DONE with pleading!  In exchange, I offered to do some smaller things for Him – things I did have control over.  So, now the big things are in His lap and He sends me little things to do for Him.  Works for me! 

As to the problems I dumped on Him, my health is doing very well and I hope to be in remission very soon.  The second is 95% resolved – no thanks to anything I did and pretty much out of the blue!  The third and most difficult problem is on a very good path to the solution – again unexpectedly.  Maybe this would have happened anyway – but I’m not sure how much longer I could have kept up the begging.  And I’m more afraid that God would have tuned me out completely by now.  I really was such a PAIN.

No, I’ve learned a valuable lesson.  God wants a relationship with me that involves mutual love and respect and a lot less whining.  When it comes to the BIG things, the things that only God has the power to bring about, He wants me to put those things in His hands and trust that He will do the best for me – and then just leave Him alone to do it.  I do say thank you every day and tell Him what a great job I think He’s doing.  Even God needs a pat on the back once in a while!  In exchange, I continue to take on the things I can do for Him, like being His hands when I crochet prayer shawls, or maybe His ear when someone needs to talk, or maybe His taxi service or cook to someone who needs it.  It’s a great deal for me and I love living this way.  And after 67 years, God can finally put His earplugs away when He sees me coming.  

A BELATED MOTHER'S DAY

 

Mother’s Day – I know it’s over for this year and I’m a little off schedule with this post.  But I think I’ll take the 5^th (5^th chemo treatment was a few days before Mother’s Day) which leads me to blame everything on the “C” word (Chemo brain)!

I don’t remember much about Mother’s Day when I was growing up.  I actually began wondering if the reason I didn’t remember was because Mother’s Day was a relatively new holiday.  I know people who call it a “Hallmark Holiday” insinuating that its only purpose is to sell “stuff.”  So, maybe it only began 40 or 50 years ago when I wasn’t exactly a “kid.”  That could be why I don’t remember!  WRONG! 

It actually dates back to a 17^th century English holiday called Mothering Day.  The idea of Mother’s Day in the US dates back to the Civil War and a woman named Julia Ward Howe.  She felt the country had witnessed so much bloodshed during the war and this was her idea to promote peace.  It was celebrated for a while, but eventually fell by the wayside as the war became a distant memory.  It wasn’t until 1907 that a woman named Ana Jarvis got the ball rolling to turn it into a National holiday.  By the time President Woodrow Wilson made Mother’s Day an official holiday in 1914, it was already being celebrated in every state. 

Okay, I can’t use that excuse - so back to why I don’t remember.  What was Mother’s Day like in our home when I was a kid?  I really have no clue.  I guess you could call me the 2^nd generation of kids in our family.  My three older brothers were well-settled into their teen-age routines by the time I arrived.  Did they have any Mother’s Day traditions or any special ways of honoring our Mom?? She was gentle, and soft-spoken, and definitely worth honoring, by the way.  I’ll have to ask them one day.  Unfortunately, we lost my Mom when I was very young, so I never got to start any traditions of my own.  I’m sure mine would have been better because they would have been “girl” traditions – but dwelling on that will only get me in trouble with my BIG brothers!

My earliest remembrances of Mother’s Day as a mother are all warm and fuzzy – funny and full of joy – sometimes with a little added shock and awe – but always filled with laughter.  It would begin with breakfast in bed.  In the beginning that consisted of a raw English muffin and tepid weak tea.  It quickly evolved into French toast and bacon and English tea with lemon.  Next would come the homemade cards that got more beautiful every year.  Sometimes there would be flowers picked from our garden – or someone else’s garden – either way beautiful!  Oh yes, whatever dog we had at the time would be dressed up in something festive.  Actually, every dog we ever had was always dressed for any and all occasions – but that’s another story!

Then my favorite part - the gifts - would follow – the ceramic ashtrays and mugs, the Paper Mache sailboats, the popsicle-stick photo frames.    It wasn’t just the gift – I’m not quite that materialistic!  It was what came with the gift: a questioning look in their eyes, the pride in their creation, that little twinge of anxiety – “Will she really like it?” “Will she know what it is?”  “Maybe I should have made the ceramic vase instead.”  That’s what I treasured and carry in my heart to this day.

Last Sunday was another very special Mother’s Day full of the usual emotions – including some shock and awe!

I had requested take-out from a local restaurant so all of us could relax – HA! After a lovely relaxing afternoon with my daughter and granddaughter, my husband went to pick it up.  My daughter’s dinner was missing and mine was burned.  He called and they urged him to come back and they would make it right.  This time the whole gang decided to go for a ride in the Jeep to pick it up.  Three minutes later, I get a call – they had all realized that no one had taken any money with them – so back they came.  I met them in the parking garage with my husband’s wallet.  Surprise! The restaurant comped the whole thing as an apology.  Too bad they didn’t pay for the gas back and forth and back and forth and back and forth! 

We finally sat down and enjoyed the dinner.  While we were still sitting around the table, we set up my iPad for a FaceTime visit with my son and daughter-in-law and our two grandsons.  Remember the Shock and Awe part – as we passed the iPad around the table, it began having wardrobe malfunctions and flipping this way and that way in its case.  My poor son on the other side of the camera began yelling “Stop! Stop! You’re making me nauseas.” The iPad finally flipped out (of its case) – literally – and landed on top of my husband’s full wine glass (red wine, of course) shattering it and spraying Cabernet and shards of glass over a significant area of carpeting, tile, and sliding glass.  The cleaning began and very soon the laughter took over.  The iPad is fine, the glass can be replaced, and all I remember is a warm, fuzzy feeling (that could have been the wine, though), the wonderful sense of humor that came out in the comments to follow, the laughter and feeling of pure joy, and a very special sense of awe.  Once again, I received a homemade gift – this time from my Granddaughter.  It was accompanied by the “questioning look” that I treasure.  This gift I would like to share with you.  I hope you all had as wonderful a Mother’s Day as I did and that you have memories to fill your heart with joy and awe. 

  

                                                  TIME

A poem by K.A.M

Age 11

Time is fragile, as delicate as a flower.

Time is scary, it can take away lives.

Time is joyful, you can spend it with your family and friends.

Time is endless, it goes on as long as numbers.

Time is silent, as noiseless as a ninja.

Time is silly, it tickles your mind.

Time is its own person, it is always changing.

Time is a gift, you are lucky if you get more.

SURVIVAL  TIP :   Let’s substitute the incurable cancer diagnosis with incurable joy, permanent laughter, inoperable optimism, untreatable warm and fuzzy spells, and a terminal case of shock and awe at life’s ever changing majesty!