OUR LADY STAR OF THE SEA

For those of you who might remember, I published a post last spring called, “OK God, I Give Up!”  To summarize briefly, I had had an epiphany of sorts at mass one Sunday.  I realized that I had been badgering God to the point that I was picturing Him with earplugs on.  That’s not a very comforting picture, especially when you realize that He truly is the only one who can do anything about my problem – this vile, repulsive, cowardly disease that is trying to kill me!  Doctors and drugs can only do so much.  After that, it’s up to The Boss. 

At that time, I had come to the conclusion that I would stop badgering, whining, and pleading and just put everything into His hands.  Not the usual “Let go and let God.”  Remember, I’m a control freak!  This was more of a deal.  I realized that only He had the power to solve my problem so I told Him I would accept whatever He chose to do about my health – but I was DONE with pleading”  In exchange, I offered to do some smaller things for Him – things I did have control over.  It actually worked very well for quite a while.  I placed all the big things in His lap and He sent me little things to do for Him.  Then the Funk set in – sent, I’m sure, by the creator of the maniacal killer inside me – the Devil!  I’m convinced that’s who invented this disease. Of course mankind helped him with our lifestyle choices, but that’s another story!

I need to begin at the beginning.  When we moved to the beach about a year and a half ago and first started going to this church, Our Lady Star of the Sea in New Smyrna Beach, one thing really annoyed me. I’ve been in many, many churches in my life and I can’t remember one that  didn’t have a huge crucifix over the main altar.  When you knelt down and looked up, that’s the first thing you would see.  It was a focal point, the central direction of your prayers.  This church had no such crucifix – well it does in the back of the church, but not where my brain is used to seeing it.  Instead it has a magnificent stained glass window showing Mary standing in a raging sea holding a staff with a brilliant star at the top.  The window faces east, so the rising sun catches the colors of the star and it is truly mesmerizing.  But, beautiful as it is, it was still a distraction to me.  I had trouble praying to Jesus when Mary was staring back at me with waves crashing around her.  Eventually I managed to gather my powers of concentration – sometimes – and pray accordingly.  But it still bugged me!  I must emphasize, however, that we LOVE everyone and everything else about this beautiful and welcoming parish. 

Last Sunday it all came together for me.  Spring must be my time for epiphanies.  I was scheduled as a Eucharist Minister that morning, so Fred and I sat in a different area of the church.  I found myself staring at eyes that I swear were staring back.  I was seeing the huge window from a slightly different angle and something struck me.  Most statues and photos of Mary show Her to be meek and gentle and generally motherly.  This window is definitely not that Mary.  This is Mary the warrior.  This is Mary the guardian, the protector – this is the Mother who will lay down Her life for Her children!  Wow!  This is who I want on my side. 

When I was in high school, Our Lady of Wisdom Academy in New York, I belonged to clubs that were dedicated to Mary, but I can’t say that I’ve ever had a very deep devotion to Her.  That’s not to say I don’t believe in Her, or pray to Her, or love and honor Her.  I just never developed that personal relationship that so many people have – my Dad, for one. He trusted Her completely and believed that She could and would do anything for him.  And She did, many times.  His trust was completely unwavering and it was definitely rewarded. 

Okay, so, consider this series of events.  We moved to New Smyrna Beach DIRECTLY across the street from Our Lady Star of the Sea.  I can look out my bedroom window, or sit on my back balcony, and see the 25+ foot stained glass window.  When the lights are on inside the church, I can see Mary holding that staff and calming the raging seas.  About 100 feet south on the church property is a grotto to, guess who – Mary.  It’s even got benches in front, beautiful flowers around it, and lights on it at night. I see it every time I go in and out of my apartment.  I’ve been there twice, to show some visitors.  Do you see the irony?  How stupid am I? 

This is the secret passage way, the back door, the private entrance I’ve been looking for.  I’ve prayed to so many saints and angels.  I haunted Jesus so often I began to picture Him wearing ear plugs to blot out my begging and pleading. But I never thought of His Mother!!!  She’s God’s mother for all eternity!  Who doesn’t listen to His Mother??? Well, maybe that’s not a valid question.  No one ever listens to his mother all the time – but I’ll bet Jesus does!!! Who better to have on my side? 

I’m just in the processing stage right now.  I’ve acknowledged that we were obviously put here in this parish, in this location, in this apartment for a reason.  I’ve acknowledged that Mary is trying to get my attention – and this time she definitely has.  I’m embarrassed that it took me so long to realize it.  I was so distracted by my epiphany on Sunday that I miscounted something I should have been paying attention to on the altar.  So, when I got up there to serve, my miscount caused a slight bobble.  Hopefully it wasn’t too noticeable.  Oh well, Mary definitely captured my full attention and got Her point across. 

I’ve begun thinking about Her and reading a lot of old prayer cards and novenas, trying to see the warrior in the gentle woman I’ve always pictured.  It will take time, I’m sure – and I’m not planning on trying to make any deals with Her.  After all, I’m a mother too and deals never worked very well with me.  Now that I think of it, as a mother I’ve had to show many sides.  I’ve been gentle, loving, not so much meek, but generally mothering to my children (I hope).  But I also remember times when I had to be a staunch protector and fierce warrior when it came to them.  Why wouldn’t She be the same?  And I’ll bet Her son won’t be wearing earplugs when She brings my petitions to Him!

TIP FOR THE DAY:  Sometimes we need to stop praying, and whining, and pleading and just listen.  Conversations are a two way street – especially with heaven!