The "SHORT SALE" - a New Oxymoron

I’ve mentioned before that we moved from a 2.5 acre rural property to a 6^th floor, beachside condo late last year.  “A Lifestyle Change.”  That’s just another way of saying we were getting too decrepit to do all the work required by a small vineyard and winery, 12 citrus trees, blueberry and blackberry patches, a vegetable garden that would feed a small country, a swimming pool, etc., etc.  Wow, I’m tired just typing that!  Well, we began to look into condo living and wound up learning a whole new language in the real estate business.

I’ve always been fascinated by oxymorons – you know, those two words of contradictory meaning that are placed together for special effect, like “deafening silence” and “mournful optimist.”  A new oxymoron has come into our vocabulary in the past few years and it has had the predicted “special effect” on many people – like ME!  It’s known as the “short sale.”  It’s a real estate term that refers to a sale in which the proceeds from selling the property will fall short of the amount actually owed by the seller.  As someone who has become way too knowledgeable about the “short sale” process, let me advise you that it definitely qualifies as an oxymoron – rarely does a “sale” actually take place and “short” applies to absolutely nothing except the buyer’s  patience and the “special effect” is usually someone’s rising blood pressure. 

Initially these sales sound like a gift to potential buyers – a property being offered much below what it is really worth.  Who of us doesn’t love a bargain?  Of course, you must first get past the fact that the disgruntled owner has most likely moved out and taken, along with his/her personal belongings, all appliances, light fixtures, doors, window coverings, light bulbs, electrical outlets, wall switch plates, and the occasional faucet.  They do, however, generously leave behind dead creatures, crumbs, dust bunnies, what my Irish grandmother called “Irish Lace Curtains” (cobwebs), usually a foul, musty odor due to no electricity therefore no A/C, and the occasional odd undergarment.  I certainly do not intend to include ALL sellers of “short sale” properties – only the ones I have seen personally.   

As to our personal involvement in one of these oxymorons, the “short” part of the saying is truly a joke.  Our contracts were signed in early May of 2011 and, the “SUPREME BANKING MUCKY-MUCKS” finally agreed to kindly ACCEPT our money in late November. All those months, we were ready, willing, and able to purchase the property, but we didn’t have the permission of the “money lenders.”  Maybe that’s why Jesus threw them out of the temple all those centuries ago.  To make things worse, just because the property was listed at one price, the final negotiator wasn’t required to honor that price. He could legally request more or the contract would be cancelled – and he actually DID!  This is where the divorce lawyers almost got involved.  My husband went ballistic – but I was in love (or lust, I’m not sure which) with the apartment and the view!

As for the “sale” part of the saying, we could have bought and sold three other properties in the meantime – but it’s a bargain!  I repeated that phrase for seven months and I had visions of repeating it while the men in the white coats were carrying me away to the funny farm in a straight-jacket.  At least I would have had a quiet, peaceful place to live while the “short sale” negotiators continued to negotiate!

Well, as you have figured out, all that is behind us and we are really enjoying our beach-bum lifestyle – and our short-sale condo.  But just beware – if it’s sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  We love our new home, but, because of the horrible condition it was in, we spent months making it livable – not to mention the amount of money we had to lay out for appliances, plumbing repairs, a new air conditioning unit, new bathroom fixtures, tile, carpet, window screens, spackle and paint, cleaning supplies, etc.  But it’s done, we love it, we’re still married, but we definitely wouldn’t recommend it.  

Survival Tip for Today:  If you see something you really want, go for it.  Just remember that nothing worth having comes easy - but some things are really not worth all that effort.  Only YOU can make that decision.