JUST TO BE SURE!!!

My cancer journey began early in November of 1975 when I felt a lump.  I was 30, recently re-married, and the Mom of 2 little ones.  It seemed to appear out of nowhere and it would vanish for days on end, only to re-appear more painful than ever. 

My gynecologist said it was probably an inflamed gland and, most likely, would be gone in a week or so.  “Don’t worry!” he said.  “After all, pain is not a symptom of breast cancer.  Plus, you’re way too young!”  However, he did suggest that I have a mammogram, “Just to be sure.”

A local radiologist, after thoroughly evaluating my mammogram, assured me that it was, most likely, a clogged milk gland.  He couldn’t explain the pain, but, as he said, “Pain s good!  Breast cancer doesn’t hurt.”  He did urge me, however, to get a surgeon’s opinion, “Just to be sure.”

The chief of surgery at St. John’s Riverside repeated all the same adages with one exception: he wanted to do an excisional biopsy, “Just to be sure.” 

The day of the biopsy arrived and I was handed a Comprehensive Consent Form for Surgery.  My ingrained obsession with control refused to allow me to sign anything that gave anyone permission to “perform whatever procedures he/she deemed necessary.”  As my medical chart said in big bold letters, I agreed AMA (Against Medical Advice) only to a lumpectomy. 

Thank God all those medical professionals kept pushing me just one more step along the way.  It turned out to be a very aggressive form of breast cancer, caught in the early stages. The surgeon ultimately convinced me to have the second surgery, the modified radical mastectomy, with these magical words:  “Better a live Mom with one breast than a dead one with two.”  That did it! 

Husbands had gotten a bad reputation during those years about their method of dealing with breast cancer.  Some withdrew from the emotional pain and suffering; some ran from the disfigurement – or so I’d been told.  My young, newlywed, tower of strength stood at my bedside, holding my hand, saying he loved me – no matter what! – And he has for the past 38 years. 

For each of the next three days, following the second surgery, I was given three consecutive treatments of chemotherapy.  The logic was to destroy any errant cells that might have broken loose during the surgery - hopefully before they could set up residency somewhere else in my body.  I can remember myself fighting against the chemo.  In those days, I truly believed that, ultimately, the drugs were more deadly than the cancer.  While I’m still not a big fan of chemotherapy drugs, I have come to appreciate the amazing advances that have taken place over the past three decades.  The logic they used then was sound and I never had another treatment; I never took another anti-cancer drug; and I have never had a recurrence of the breast cancer.

I convinced the doctors to let me come home on Christmas Eve.  My little ones deserved a little normalcy in their lives – we all did.  The tree was up and we had managed some shopping and wrapping.  Of course, Santa had done the largest part! 

My fire officer husband had to work the day shift, but he put a turkey in the oven before he left; gathered a group of our friends to help and join us that evening; and he even called me the night before to go over my pumpkin pie recipe.  Amazing!!!

He kissed me goodbye that Christmas morning and told me the kids were still sleeping.  My intent was to get up and get dressed and be out by the tree before they awoke.  Well, best laid plans...etc., etc.  I woke up at 10:30 and panicked.  I walked to the living room and saw my 2 little angels sitting on the couch looking at the gifts – but not touching.  When I tried to apologize for making them wait, they said “Mommy, it wouldn’t be any fun without you.”  They have given me so much love and joy and pride over the years, but never as much as at that moment. 

Well, thanks to my BIG BOSS , all those conscientious doctors, and the support and prayers of my family and friends,  I’m still here.  It would have been easy for them to believe the facts that were in front of them – I was too young, the lump came and went; it wasn’t a classic case of breast cancer – at least not in 1975.  It would have been easy to dismiss the evasive lump, but they didn’t.  Each one said pretty much the same thing – I don’t think it’s anything, but let’s do one more test – Just to be Sure!

I spent the next 33 years unknowingly preparing for the next onslaught – Primary Peritoneal/Ovarian Cancer.  The most difficult battle of my life!         TYG4e

SURVIVAL  TIPS: BE AWARE of your own body.  No one knows it like you do.  Stand up for yourself and your rights.  You're worth it!!!